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anonymous I just received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years.
February 18 at 1:54 pm
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anonymous the irs wants to audit me!? i think i burn my house and crash a plane into their office builiding - FML
February 19 at 1:06 pm
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anonymous My mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me.
February 18 at 1:53 pm
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anonymous Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML
February 18 at 1:52 pm
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anonymous this site sucks. fml.
December 24 at 12:18 pm
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anonymous he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 -FML
December 24 at 7:10 pm
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anonymous f
December 13 at 5:47 pm
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anonymous Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
December 7 at 2:17 pm
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anonymous Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
December 7 at 2:20 pm
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anonymous Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML
December 7 at 2:17 pm
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anonymous Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
December 7 at 2:16 pm
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tiger yet another mistress just came out...FML
December 7 at 11:58 am
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werwer i search for my stupid house keys everyday at least 10 min BEFORE I leave my home - FML
December 3 at 7:18 pm
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anonymous Today, after sleeping with my boyfriend of two years he told me while we were about to make love to, "Pull your hair back, the way your sister does it." FML
December 1 at 11:59 am
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vinny Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
November 25 at 1:40 am
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roger Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML
November 24 at 1:06 pm
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pter Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn\'t get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
November 22 at 8:38 pm
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roger Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business, and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML
November 22 at 7:55 pm
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roger Today, I saw my cat outside taking a dump. I pulled back the curtain and watched him clean it up, because I found it fascinating that animals can do that. I must have been standing there for several minutes before I noticed the neighbour next door looking at me being fascinated by my cat pooing. FML
November 22 at 7:49 pm
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roger Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
November 22 at 7:46 pm
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roger Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said that "you\'re a great guy, but we can\'t go out because you\'ll be bad for my social reputation." FML
November 22 at 7:36 pm
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roger Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML
November 22 at 7:34 pm
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roger Today, I got a random text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML
November 22 at 7:33 pm
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specialk stayed at work until 10:30pm last night and came in at 7:30am.... just to find that my manager wasnt even coming in today to review the work i did..... yea, shift + F my life.
November 20 at 4:54 pm
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john Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML
November 19 at 4:49 pm
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